Tales of the Parodyverse

Colonel Blanchford Bertram and the Dark City - Part Two.


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ManMan
Wed Jun 25, 2003 at 01:39:04 pm EDT
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Colonel Blanchford Bertram and the Dark City - Part Two : Where nothing happens but much is explained.

The week on the Compass Rose afforded me 2 invaluable opinions, one: I am not and never will be a sea Captain and two: Lord Arthur Huntingdon-Pepper was insane.
The first of those opinions was the quicker of the two to emerge, within hours of boarding the Compass Rose, in fact - The illness that laid me down was as vile and corrupting a thing as I had ever encountered, but it did offer me opinion two. Frequently, as the stress of the journey weighed itself upon Lord Huntingdon-Pepper, I found him carrying conversations entirely by himself. Being in a weakened state, I had no call to judge the man that was looking after me but it was definitely a cause for concern. It reminded me of the time Reverend Septimus Dean and myself exorcised the Harkness Poltergeist from the Parodiopolis Town Hall. Though thinking about the League made me low in spirit and I decided against any more thoughts about my friends. Olivia - who had grown considerably in my affections - sensed my current melancholy and took it upon herself to improve my mood with the tale of the Dark City. Though not a scholar by any means, I shall attempt to recount to you the story she told me:
Incans were basically ancient cabalists, who believed that for every good there should be an equivalent evil. Arequipa - our destination - was also called 'The White City'; Lord Huntingdon-Pepper had hypothesized that for Arequipa to exist, the Incans would’ve had to have built a ‘Dark City’ for spiritual balance. Through the help of the Royal Archaeological Institute, the expedition had been fully funded; though gathering the team from Europe had taken time. Lord Huntingdon-Pepper and his daughter were to be the last of the additions to the team and from their meeting point in Arequipa; they were to set upon a hypothetical course (determined by Lord Huntingdon-Pepper) northwest into the Andes, which would hopefully lead to the Dark City.
My experiences with the League of Improbable Gentlemen had somewhat prepared me for stories such as this one, although I wondered what was to gain from such an expedition. Olivia told me that knowledge was a goal in itself and one should always seek to attain one’s goals. I agreed, sat up from my bed and kissed her full on the mouth; I felt her resolve disappear momentarily before she pushed me away and slapped me flush across my cheek; Olivia then called me some names I'd never heard a lady say before and left my meagre cabin.
The rest of the journey to Peru - Lord Huntingdon-Pepper had decided against hiring another crew, owing to the trouble he had with the last one - was eventful but I shall not recount specific details here, as they were of a routine nature and would not contribute anything other a growing restlessness in the reader to get on with the story; there was one event of note, however. On the final day of the voyage, when I had overcome my inability to stand aboard a sailing vessel, I walked in unannounced into Lord Huntingdon-Pepper’s cabin, I found the English gentleman carrying on a heated debate with a knife, even mimicking the voice of another to compensate for the lack of people in the room, he quickly laughed off the incident and we never spoke of it again.
Arequipa is a place of spectacular beauty, surrounded upon all sides by the Andes, it grants one a humbling sense of perspective. As wood is rare in places such as this, all the buildings had been constructed from the white stone, sillar, - mined from the mountains themselves -which gives the city it’s literal name. It was in the Casa Condenado that we met the 30-strong team that would go into the Andes; most of which comprised of locals to carry equipment, pitch tents, all the things the experts wouldn’t (or couldn’t) do. Lord Huntingdon-Pepper took it upon himself to introduce me to all the people he knew - fellow historians, geologists, a linguist - though I have forgotten their names and they are ancillary to the tale. One name that will remain with me forever is the last person Lord Huntingdon-Pepper introduced me to; Wolfgang Runehauer, a German theologian who’s key writings on the beliefs of the ancient Incans had been the corner-stone of the Lord’s theories, he was an arrogant - though brilliant - man who’s goal was not only the discovery of the Dark City, but the obtainment of Olivia; the relationship between me and her had cooled somewhat - we had not spoken to any great degree since that day aboard the Compass Rose - and yet she grew more lovely every day.
We decided that after our not inconsiderable effort to get here, a day’s rest in Arequipa was proper. I invited Olivia to dinner, as I knew her father would be in conference with his team, to my utter surprise she agreed and I set about making a meal that could win back her affections. At the designated hour I heard a small knock at my door, promptly I opened it and found Olivia stood there; she had been escorted by Wolfgang Runehauer. I had no choice but to welcome them both in and prepare a third placement at the table.
The following conversation between myself, Olivia and Wolfgang will appear more dramatic to the reader if I transcribe it rather than merely relate the account, it is not entirely accurate but suitably depicts what was said:
Wolfgang Runehauer - How is the war going these days, Mr Bertram?
Blanchford Bertram - It has been over some months now, Mr Runehauer.
Wolfgang Runehauer - But of course! How silly of me to forget - The Schwarz now have their freedom, yes?
Blanchford Bertram - Yes.
Wolfgang Runehauer - Such a shame, is it not? The subjugation of one race based on colour, Deutschland would never stand for such a thing.
Blanchford Bertram - It will be to my undying regret that I took part in that war, Mr Runehauer.

I had not told Olivia or her father the circumstances in which I met them in Puerta Vallarta, they had not asked and I feared of sullying my relationship with either of them. But I was not about to lie.

Wolfgang Runehauer - You fought for the freedom of the slaves?
Blanchford Bertram - No, I was a Colonel in the Confederate Army.
Olivia Huntingdon-Pepper - Why? Why would you fight - kill! - For a cause so...morally wrong?

The cold I felt from Olivia over the past week had begun to melt and I could sense great disappointment and confusion from her.

Blanchford Bertram - I thought I had a clear reason when the war began; I wanted to preserve a lifestyle that had prospered in the south for centuries. I didn't want things to change - I've had a lot of...upheaval in my life and home is where I could count on things to stay the same. But as the war drew onwards, as I saw thousands of people die, I began to hate the cause I was fighting for - we were killing fellow Americans so we could treat human beings as property!
Olivia Huntingdon-Pepper - Then why didn't you leave?
Blanchford Bertram - I became responsible for the lives of thousands of soldiers, Olivia. I had their admiration and respect. We had steadily lost ground for months and they were scared. I couldn't leave; I couldn't leave and let them die. I won medals for not letting my men die.

The rest of the dinner was carried out in an uncomfortable silence, I did not feel particularly motivated to talk more and Runehauer and Olivia were gracious in their understanding. When the final course was over, we all said our goodbyes - Olivia did not object to me kissing her on the hand - and they left. Just as I was readying myself for bed, I heard a light knock at my door; I opened it and found Olivia waiting there awkwardly. I was about to ask her whether she had forgotten something when she leant forward and kissed me on the mouth - being a gentleman I did not object - then, without regard, she suddenly pulled back and slapped me across my cheek, before I could speak she alighted back to her own room. Smiling, clutching my burning face and smiling, I went to bed. The following morning, a 30-strong team would head into the Andes and discover the Dark City. Only a few would survive.

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